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TODAY'S LAUGH!

The Candy With The Little Hole
This should make you smile.


The teacher gave the class a bowl full of lifesavers and
asked the children to identify the flavors by their color:


And they did:
Red........................Cherry
Yellow...................Lemon
Green......Lime
Orange ............... Orange
Finally the teacher gave them all HONEY lifesavers. None of the children could identify the taste.

The teacher said, 'I will give you all a clue. It's what your

Mother may sometimes call your father.'


One little girl looked up in horror, spit her lifesaver out and yelled,

'Oh my God! They're ass-holes!

The teacher had to leave the room...
 
A farmer decided he wanted to go to town and see a movie

The ticket agent asked , sir whats that on your shoulder?

The old farmer said, that's my pet rooster Chuck.

Where I go, Chuck goes.

I'm sorry sir said the ticket agent, we can't allow animals in the theater.

The old farmer went around the corner and stuffed Chuck down his overalls.

Then he returned to the booth, bought a ticket, and entered the theater.

He sat down next to two old widows Named Mildred and Marge.

The movie started and the rooster began to squirm. The old farmer unbuttoned his fly so Chuck could stick his head out and watch the movie.

Marge, whispered Mildred.

What said Mildred. I think the man next to me is a pervert.

What makes you think so asked Marge?

He undid his pants and he has his thing out whispered Mildred.

Well don't worry about it said Marge. At our age we've seen em all.

I thought so too said Mildred .

But this one is eating my popcorn.
 
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In a train from London to Manchester, an American was berating the Englishman sitting across from him in the compartment.......
"The trouble with you English is that you are too stuffy.......You set yourselves apart too much.
You think your stiff upper lip makes you above the rest of us..........
Look at me: I have a little Italian in me, a bit of Greek blood, a little Irish and some Spanish blood.
What do you say to that?"
The Englishman lowered his newspaper and replied, "How very sporting of your mother."
 
In a train from London to Manchester, an American was berating the Englishman sitting across from him in the compartment.......
"The trouble with you English is that you are too stuffy.......You set yourselves apart too much.
You think your stiff upper lip makes you above the rest of us..........
Look at me: I have a little Italian in me, a bit of Greek blood, a little Irish and some Spanish blood.
What do you say to that?"
The Englishman lowered his newspaper and replied, "How very sporting of your mother."
ooooooooh!!
 
I was a very happy man. My wonderful Italian girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to
get married.

There was only one little thing bothering me. It was her beautiful younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was
twenty-two, wore very tight mini skirts, and generally was braless.

She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got more than a nice view. It had to be
deliberate because she never did it when she was near anyone else.

One day her 'little' sis called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone
when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome.

She told me that she wanted me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister.

Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word.
 
Cont...
She said,"I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last fling, just come up and get me".

I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door. I opened the door and headed straight towards my car.

Lo and behold, my entire family was standing outside all clapping!

With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law to be put down his shotgun, and hugged me and said."We are very happy
that you have passed our little test."

We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.

The moral of this story: Always keep your condoms in your car!!!
 
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