LAUGH FOR TODAY

29bowtie

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Re: LAUGH FOR TODAY
« Reply #752 on: February 26, 2018, 03:55:34 PM »
 ::)
Professionals built the Titanic, An Amateur built the Ark

29bowtie

  • Hero Member
Re: LAUGH FOR TODAY
« Reply #753 on: February 26, 2018, 11:19:07 PM »
 :D
Professionals built the Titanic, An Amateur built the Ark

oldsjoe

  • Hero Member
Re: LAUGH FOR TODAY
« Reply #754 on: February 28, 2018, 02:25:58 PM »
Suddenly, a cow runs out onto the road, and a limo driving late at
night, hits it head on, and the car comes to a stop.
The woman in the back seat, in her usual abrasive manner, says to the Chauffeur,
"You get out and check on that poor cow. You were driving.

So the chauffeur gets out, checks, and reports that the animal is
dead, but it appeared to be very old.

Well, says the woman, "You were driving, so you go and tell the
farmer in that lighted farmhouse over there."

Two hours later the chauffeur returns totally inebriated, a full belly,
his hair ruffled, and a big grin on his face.

"My God, what happened to you?" asks the nasty woman.

The chauffeur replies,

 "When I got there, the farmer opened his best
bottle of single malt scotch, the wife gave me a meal fit for a king, and
the daughter made love to me."

"What on earth did you say?" asks the woman.

Well, I just knocked on the door, and when it opened, I said to them,
"I'm Nancy Pelosi's chauffeur, and I've just killed the old cow."
Living the DREAM!!! One nut and bolt at a time!

29bowtie

  • Hero Member
Re: LAUGH FOR TODAY
« Reply #755 on: March 01, 2018, 10:20:43 PM »
 :o ::)
Professionals built the Titanic, An Amateur built the Ark

29bowtie

  • Hero Member
Re: LAUGH FOR TODAY
« Reply #756 on: March 12, 2018, 12:23:21 AM »
 :o
Professionals built the Titanic, An Amateur built the Ark

29bowtie

  • Hero Member
Re: LAUGH FOR TODAY
« Reply #757 on: March 13, 2018, 12:47:01 AM »
Shannon meets with her lover Danny, who is also her husband’s best friend.

They make love for hours. After forbidden love, as they lie in bed, the phone rings. Since it’s the Shannon’s house, she picks up the receiver. The best friend listens, only hearing her side of the conversation:

“Hello? Oh, hi… I’m so glad that you called… Really? That’s cool… Well, I’m happy to hear you’re having such a great time… Oh, that sounds amazing… Love you, too. OK. Bye-bye.”

Shannon hangs up the telephone and Danny asks, “Who was that?”

“Oh,” she replies, “That was my husband telling me about the wonderful time he’s having on his fishing trip with you.”
Professionals built the Titanic, An Amateur built the Ark

TS3X65MPH

  • Hero Member
  • THANKS TO MY DAD & MOM,WIFE GLYNIS & SON STEVEN
Re: LAUGH FOR TODAY
« Reply #758 on: March 13, 2018, 01:42:53 AM »
Nut
You Aren't Living If Your Windshield Isn't Dirty.

TS3X65MPH

  • Hero Member
  • THANKS TO MY DAD & MOM,WIFE GLYNIS & SON STEVEN
Re: LAUGH FOR TODAY
« Reply #759 on: March 13, 2018, 01:44:58 AM »
Why
You Aren't Living If Your Windshield Isn't Dirty.

jaded iconoclast

  • Hero Member
Re: LAUGH FOR TODAY
« Reply #760 on: March 17, 2018, 07:27:05 PM »
Suddenly, a cow runs out onto the road, and a limo driving late at
night, hits it head on, and the car comes to a stop.
The woman in the back seat, in her usual abrasive manner, says to the Chauffeur,
"You get out and check on that poor cow. You were driving.

So the chauffeur gets out, checks, and reports that the animal is
dead, but it appeared to be very old.

Well, says the woman, "You were driving, so you go and tell the
farmer in that lighted farmhouse over there."

Two hours later the chauffeur returns totally inebriated, a full belly,
his hair ruffled, and a big grin on his face.

"My God, what happened to you?" asks the nasty woman.

The chauffeur replies,

 "When I got there, the farmer opened his best
bottle of single malt scotch, the wife gave me a meal fit for a king, and
the daughter made love to me."

"What on earth did you say?" asks the woman.

Well, I just knocked on the door, and when it opened, I said to them,
"I'm Nancy Pelosi's chauffeur, and I've just killed the old cow."
"Like" just doesn't get it done here! ;D
Wanted: Used +030 TRW L2249 or Speed Pro 7061P 12.5/1 289/302 ford pistons

jaded iconoclast

  • Hero Member
Re: LAUGH FOR TODAY
« Reply #761 on: March 17, 2018, 07:46:10 PM »
They are watching! ::) "They are" also correcting "your" spelling!
"If you have nothing to hide, you have nothing to fear" attributed to Joseph Goebbels
Wanted: Used +030 TRW L2249 or Speed Pro 7061P 12.5/1 289/302 ford pistons

TS3X65MPH

  • Hero Member
  • THANKS TO MY DAD & MOM,WIFE GLYNIS & SON STEVEN
Re: LAUGH FOR TODAY
« Reply #762 on: March 18, 2018, 12:39:00 PM »
Great that she made it to 100 but who knows, life could be so much longer without the smokes.
You Aren't Living If Your Windshield Isn't Dirty.

Daves 40cp

  • Hero Member
Re: LAUGH FOR TODAY
« Reply #763 on: March 19, 2018, 08:41:34 AM »
MORNING SEX

She was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual
soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast,
wearing only The 'T' shirt that she normally slept in.

As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and said softly,
"You've got to make love to me this very moment!"

My eyes lit up and I thought, "I am either
still dreaming or this is going to be my lucky day!"
Not wanting to lose the moment,

I embraced her and then Gave it my all; right there on the
kitchen table.

Afterwards she said, "Thanks," and returned to the
stove, her T-shirt still around her neck.

Happy, but a little puzzled, I asked,
"What was that all about?"

She explained, "The egg timer's broken....."


Daves 40cp

29bowtie

  • Hero Member
Re: LAUGH FOR TODAY
« Reply #764 on: March 27, 2018, 01:23:56 PM »
 :D ::)
Professionals built the Titanic, An Amateur built the Ark

29bowtie

  • Hero Member
Re: LAUGH FOR TODAY
« Reply #765 on: March 27, 2018, 01:26:58 PM »
Wow! :o
Professionals built the Titanic, An Amateur built the Ark

TS3X65MPH

  • Hero Member
  • THANKS TO MY DAD & MOM,WIFE GLYNIS & SON STEVEN
Re: LAUGH FOR TODAY
« Reply #766 on: March 29, 2018, 09:34:28 PM »
:D
Don,
I have 1 of those from my Dad. ;D
You Aren't Living If Your Windshield Isn't Dirty.

TS3X65MPH

  • Hero Member
  • THANKS TO MY DAD & MOM,WIFE GLYNIS & SON STEVEN
Re: LAUGH FOR TODAY
« Reply #767 on: March 31, 2018, 01:36:31 PM »
I very quietly confided to my best friend that I was having an affair.

She turned to me and asked, "Are you having it catered?"

And that, my friend, is the sad definition of "OLD".
You Aren't Living If Your Windshield Isn't Dirty.