LAUGH FOR TODAY

29bowtie

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Re: LAUGH FOR TODAY
« Reply #720 on: January 22, 2018, 02:16:44 PM »
 ;D ;D
Professionals built the Titanic, An Amateur built the Ark

29bowtie

  • Hero Member
Re: LAUGH FOR TODAY
« Reply #721 on: January 26, 2018, 06:33:46 PM »
 :D
Professionals built the Titanic, An Amateur built the Ark

29bowtie

  • Hero Member
Re: LAUGH FOR TODAY
« Reply #722 on: January 28, 2018, 06:07:42 PM »
A trucker in Newfoundland stops at a red light, a blonde catches up. She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door. The trucker lowers the window, and she says "Hi, my name is Heather and you're losing some of your load."
The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street. When the truck stops for another red light, the girl catches up again. She jumps out of her car, runs up and knocks on the door. Again, the trucker lowers the window. As if they've never spoken, the blonde says brightly, "Hi my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"
Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and continues down the street. At the third red light, the same thing happens again. All out of breath, the blonde gets out of her car, runs up, knocks on the truck door. The trucker lowers the window. Again she says "Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"
When the light turns green the trucker revs up and races to the next light. When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the truck, and runs back to the blonde's car. He knocks on her window, and as she lowers it, he says "Hi, my name is Kevin, it's Winter in Newfoundland and I'm driving the SALT TRUCK!"
Professionals built the Titanic, An Amateur built the Ark

29bowtie

  • Hero Member
Re: LAUGH FOR TODAY
« Reply #723 on: January 28, 2018, 11:16:55 PM »
Really? This says a lot about the state of the world! ::)
Professionals built the Titanic, An Amateur built the Ark

29bowtie

  • Hero Member
Re: LAUGH FOR TODAY
« Reply #724 on: January 28, 2018, 11:28:34 PM »
They are watching! ::) "They are" also correcting "your" spelling!
Professionals built the Titanic, An Amateur built the Ark

oldsjoe

  • Hero Member
Re: LAUGH FOR TODAY
« Reply #725 on: January 29, 2018, 09:30:07 AM »
 ;)   The guys were all at a deer camp. No one wanted to room with Bob, because he snored so badly. They decided it wasn't fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns.

The first guy slept with Bob and comes to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot.

They said, "Man, what happened to you?

He said, "Bob snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night."

The next night it was a different guy's turn. In the morning, same thing, hair all standing up, eyes all bloodshot.

They said, "Man, what happened to you? You look awful!"

He said, "Man, that Bob shakes the roof with his snoring. I watched him all night."

The third night was Fred's turn. Fred was a tanned, older cowboy, a man's man. The next morning he came to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.

"Good morning!" he said.

They couldn't believe it.

They said, "Man, what happened?"

He said, "Well, we got ready for bed. I went and tucked Bob into bed, patted him on the butt, and kissed him good night. Bob sat up and watched me all night. :) :)
Living the DREAM!!! One nut and bolt at a time!

29bowtie

  • Hero Member
Re: LAUGH FOR TODAY
« Reply #726 on: January 31, 2018, 10:38:58 PM »
 ;D
Professionals built the Titanic, An Amateur built the Ark

Tom

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Re: LAUGH FOR TODAY
« Reply #727 on: February 02, 2018, 07:38:07 PM »
Sounds like a great idea !

oldsjoe

  • Hero Member
Re: LAUGH FOR TODAY
« Reply #728 on: February 08, 2018, 06:49:24 PM »
Yes Canadians have these issues too!  I guess!  Joe



I was eating breakfast with my teenaged Granddaughter and I asked her,

What special day is it in Canada tomorrow?" .

Without skipping a beat she said,  "It's Prime Minister Day!" .
 
She's smart, so I asked her  "What does Prime Minister Day mean?" .
 
I was waiting for something  about the Trudeau’s or Harper etc.
 
She replied, "Prime  Minister Day is when the Prime Minister steps out
of the Prime Minister's  Mansion, and if he sees his shadow, we have
4 more years of Bull Shit."
 
You know, it hurts when hot coffee spurts out your nose.

Does this work for President's Day in the U.S. as well???
Living the DREAM!!! One nut and bolt at a time!

29bowtie

  • Hero Member
Re: LAUGH FOR TODAY
« Reply #729 on: February 12, 2018, 06:44:34 PM »
A little girl asked her mother,

“How did the human race appear?”

The mother answered,

“God made Adam and Eve and they had children and so was all mankind made.”

Two days later the girl asked her father the same question.

The father answered,

“Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved.”

The confused girl returned to her mother and said,

“Mom, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Dad said they developed from monkeys?”

The mother answered,

“Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family and your father told you about his.”
Professionals built the Titanic, An Amateur built the Ark

oldsjoe

  • Hero Member
Re: LAUGH FOR TODAY
« Reply #730 on: February 12, 2018, 07:03:12 PM »
I can truly relate to this!  Joe
Living the DREAM!!! One nut and bolt at a time!

29bowtie

  • Hero Member
Re: LAUGH FOR TODAY
« Reply #731 on: February 12, 2018, 07:24:43 PM »
Stumpy and his wife Martha went to the state fair every year. Every year Stumpy would say, “Martha, I’d like to ride in that there airplane.”

And every year Martha would say, “I know Stumpy, but that airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars.”

One year Stumpy and Martha went to the fair and Stumpy said, “Martha, I’m 71 years old. If I don’t ride that airplane this year I may never get another chance.”

Martha replied, “Stumpy, that there airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars.”

The pilot overheard them and said, “Folks, I’ll make you a deal, I’ll take you both up for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say one word, I won’t charge you, but if you say one word it’s ten dollars.”

Stumpy and Martha agreed and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of twists and turns, rolls and dives, but not a word was heard. He did all his tricks over again, but still not a word. They landed and the pilot turned to Stumpy, “By golly, I did everything I could think of to get you to yell out, but you didn’t.”

Stumpy replied, “Well, I was gonna say something when Martha fell out, but ten dollars is ten dollars.”
Professionals built the Titanic, An Amateur built the Ark

29bowtie

  • Hero Member
Re: LAUGH FOR TODAY
« Reply #732 on: February 12, 2018, 08:14:12 PM »
At school, Little Johnny’s classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it’s very easy to blackmail them by saying, “I know the whole truth.” Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out.

Johnny’s mother greets him at home, and he tells her, “I know the whole truth.” His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, “Just don’t tell your father.” Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, “I know the whole truth.” The father promptly hands him $40 and says, “Please don’t say a word to your mother.”

Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, “I know the whole truth.” The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, “Then come give your Daddy a great big hug!”
Professionals built the Titanic, An Amateur built the Ark