LAUGH FOR TODAY

TS3X65MPH

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Re: LAUGH FOR TODAY
« Reply #592 on: May 06, 2017, 07:36:12 PM »

A firefighter was working on the engine outside the Station, When he noticed a little girl nearby in a little red wagon with Little ladders hung off the sides and a garden hose tightly Coiled in the middle. The girl was wearing a fire fighter's Helmet. The wagon was being pulled by her dog and her Cat.

The firefighter walked over to take a closer look. 'That sure Is a nice fire truck,' the firefighter said with admiration. ‘Thanks,' the girl replied. The firefighter looked a little closer. The girl had tied the wagon to her dog's collar and to the cat's testicles. 'Little partner,' the firefighter said, 'I don't want to tell you how to run your rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think you could go faster.'

The little girl replied thoughtfully, 'You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren.'
You Aren't Living If Your Windshield Isn't Dirty.

29bowtie

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Re: LAUGH FOR TODAY
« Reply #593 on: May 24, 2017, 05:08:05 PM »
 :D :D
Professionals built the Titanic, An Amateur built the Ark

Re: LAUGH FOR TODAY
« Reply #594 on: May 29, 2017, 11:15:49 AM »

oldsjoe

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Re: LAUGH FOR TODAY
« Reply #595 on: June 05, 2017, 11:23:51 AM »




A man is driving down a deserted

Stretch of highway

When he notices a sign

Out of the corner of his eye...

It reads:

SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
10 MILES

He thinks this is a figment of his imagination and drives on without second thought.


 

Soon he sees another sign which reads:

SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION

5 MILES

Suddenly he begins to realize that these signs are for real and drives past a third sign saying:

SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
NEXT RIGHT

His curiosity gets the best of him and he pulls into the drive. On the far side of the parking lot is a stone building with a small sign next to the door reading:

SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS

He climbs the steps and rings the bell. The door is answered by a nun in a long black habit who asks,


'What may we do for you! My son?'


 

He answers, 'I saw your signs along the highway and was interested in possibly doing business....'


 

'Very well my son. Please follow me.' He is led through many winding passages and is soon quite disoriented. The nun stops at a closed door and tells the man, 'Please knock on this door.'


 

He does so and another nun in a long habit, holding a tin cup answers the door. This nun instructs, 'Please place $100 in the cup then go through the large wooden door at the end of the hallway.'


 

He puts $100 in the cup, eagerly trots down the hall and slips through the door pulling it shut behind him.


 

The door locks, and he finds himself back in the parking lot facing another sign:


 

GO IN PEACE.
YOU HAVE JUST BEEN SCREWED BY

THE SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS.
SERVES YOU RIGHT, YOU SINNER






 
Living the DREAM!!! One nut and bolt at a time!

29bowtie

  • Hero Member
Re: LAUGH FOR TODAY
« Reply #596 on: July 02, 2017, 08:18:41 PM »
 :o ::)
Professionals built the Titanic, An Amateur built the Ark

TS3X65MPH

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Re: LAUGH FOR TODAY
« Reply #597 on: July 02, 2017, 10:53:44 PM »
I feel for the guy's who can't find the like button. ;D
You Aren't Living If Your Windshield Isn't Dirty.

oldsjoe

  • Hero Member
Re: LAUGH FOR TODAY
« Reply #598 on: July 05, 2017, 10:03:48 AM »
How True Is This?  Joe


Living the DREAM!!! One nut and bolt at a time!

oldsjoe

  • Hero Member
Re: LAUGH FOR TODAY
« Reply #599 on: July 06, 2017, 10:43:42 AM »
A retired older couple returned to a Mercedes dealership where the salesman has just sold the car they had been interested in to a beautiful, leggy, busty blonde in a mini skirt and a halter top. The old man was visibly upset. He spoke to the salesman sharply, "Young man, I thought you said you would hold that car till we raised the $95,000 asking price, yet I just overheard you closed the deal for $75,000 to the lovely young lady there. And if I remember right, you had insisted there was no way you could discount this model.

The salesman took a deep breath, cleared his throat and reached for a large glass of water. "Well, what can I tell you? She had the cash ready, didn't need any financing help, and, Sir, just look at her, how could I resist?", replied the grinning salesman sheepishly.

Just then the young woman approached the senior couple and gave the car keys to the old man.

"There you go," she said. "I told you I could get that idiot to lower the price. See you later Dad, Happy Father's day."

Once again..... don't mess with seniors.
Living the DREAM!!! One nut and bolt at a time!

29bowtie

  • Hero Member
Re: LAUGH FOR TODAY
« Reply #600 on: July 09, 2017, 04:43:58 PM »
I remember fighting with these! ;D
Professionals built the Titanic, An Amateur built the Ark

jaded iconoclast

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Re: LAUGH FOR TODAY
« Reply #601 on: July 09, 2017, 05:03:52 PM »
^^I think there might still be one of these up at the other house. ;) ;D
Free your mind, think for yourself, keep the 1st amendment alive

29bowtie

  • Hero Member
Re: LAUGH FOR TODAY
« Reply #602 on: July 10, 2017, 07:17:10 PM »
This would have been a popular one! ;D ;D ;D
Professionals built the Titanic, An Amateur built the Ark

TS3X65MPH

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  • THANKS TO MY DAD & MOM,WIFE GLYNIS & SON STEVEN
Re: LAUGH FOR TODAY
« Reply #603 on: July 22, 2017, 09:42:49 PM »
A picture says a thousand words.In this case a few.WTF
You Aren't Living If Your Windshield Isn't Dirty.

TS3X65MPH

  • Hero Member
  • THANKS TO MY DAD & MOM,WIFE GLYNIS & SON STEVEN
Re: LAUGH FOR TODAY
« Reply #604 on: July 23, 2017, 03:41:38 AM »
 ::)
You Aren't Living If Your Windshield Isn't Dirty.

oldsjoe

  • Hero Member
Re: LAUGH FOR TODAY
« Reply #605 on: August 05, 2017, 02:05:58 PM »
While golfing in East Texas, a gray-haired gentleman accidentally overturned his golf cart late one afternoon. A very attractive, young female golfer, who lived in a villa on the course, heard the noise and called out, "Are you OK?" 
"I’m OK, thanks," he replied, as he pulled himself out of the twisted cart.
She said, "Come on up to my villa, rest a while,and I’ll help you get the cart up later."
The old guy noticed her silky bathrobe was partially open, revealing what appeared to be a very nice figure.
"That’s really nice of you," he answered, "but I don’t think my wife would like it."
"Oh, come on now!" she insisted.
She was so pretty and so very persuasive.
He sighed...."Well, I guess it'll be OK," he finally agreed.
After a couple of Scotch and sodas, he thanked her and said, "I feel a lot better now, but I know my wife is going to be really upset.

So I’d better go now."

"Don’t be silly!" she said with a smile, letting her robe fall slightly more open. "Stay for a while. Your wife won’t know anything.
By the way, where is she?"

He replied, "I'm guessing she's still under the cart."

Living the DREAM!!! One nut and bolt at a time!

TS3X65MPH

  • Hero Member
  • THANKS TO MY DAD & MOM,WIFE GLYNIS & SON STEVEN
Re: LAUGH FOR TODAY
« Reply #606 on: August 05, 2017, 08:48:01 PM »
Laughter; the Best Medicine
You Aren't Living If Your Windshield Isn't Dirty.

jaded iconoclast

  • Hero Member
Re: LAUGH FOR TODAY
« Reply #607 on: August 05, 2017, 10:54:42 PM »
::)
This kind of brings to mind a funny story about a mutual friend of bow tie and I. Poor bastard really didn't know until it was pretty late in game. I guess Italians take it for granted that women USUALLY have a five o'clock shadow. :o ;D
Free your mind, think for yourself, keep the 1st amendment alive